Yesterday my public disclosure and my first blog post felt like conquering mount Everest. It was exiting, new, exhilarating. There were so many fears resting on the bottom…So many friends with kind and encouraging words awaiting on the other side!
Today my mount Everest slowly started to murph into a tiny mole hill. A cynical voice was whispering into my ear:
“There is nothing to be so happy and proud about…I don’t understand all the sweat…It’s just a blog post…Don’t be ridiculous… People are publishing books, running companies, establishing foundations, inspiring crowds, saving humanity, inventing coaching models, fighting for peace…”
The same voice that just yesterday screamed – “What are you doing!..You will be ruined and send into a shameful exile, you can’t write, you have nothing to say…It’s too scary…Stop!!!”. Exactly the same voice was lurking behind and making a fool out of me, undermining my freshly acquired courage and spoiling my moment of joy and celebration.
It wasn’t an other person criticizing me (maybe I was “unfriended” by some on FB or some rolled their eyes, if someone did, at least they did it silently), it was the voice of my own head (isn’t it creepy?!) hat was so sassy, loud and annoying.
I didn’t like that sudden dwindling of my freshly conquered Everest, not a little bit. I didn’t like this so familiar voice of my inner critic, saboteur, gremlin, however you want to call it…I was annoyed with this thoughts and ashamed of my excitement for quite a while.
And then I heard my intuition:
“It’s doesn’t matter wether your personal paramount is Everest or a mole hill – whether it’s your first ironman, 73k or 5k, whether it’s your first corporation or your first client, whether you are establishing a foundation or helping a friend, getting a Pulitzer Prise or starting to journal, whether you are publishing a New York Times bestseller or a blog post…
What matters is whether it required an extra bit of courage – to trust, to conquer, to step out of our comfort zone – whether it took your breath away and made you fully alive for a second, made you heart beat faster and forced you to grow.”
Message received. Ok, I can’t promise to stop comparing myself to others, caring for status, safety, prestige, money, credentials, longing for approval right away. But I promise to care about it a little bit less and listen to my intuition much more…
Celebration and blogging continues…
Just curious – What paramount are you climbing right now?
P.S. Thank you!
A huge thank you to all who welcomed me on the other side of that door with your comments, acknowledgements, love and support. To hear all the kind words was worth a million! (Don’t ask me whether I really would stand the test of exchanging it to a million on my bank account. I am not there yet, my flesh is still weak…)
I have been blessed with so many people on my life journey that I would love to tell about. Today I have an urge to thank an awesome declutter coach Dasha LeMour I am working with – http://www.decluttered.life. She gave me the last badly needed push to step through that door by challenging me to screw my perfectionistic approach and to write in a perfectly imperfect way.
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